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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.