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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.