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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
My life is just one long improvisation.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.