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If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Can I get likes for no reason?
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`