Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers