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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Do you really have to breath that much?
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.