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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
If I owned a copy shop, Iād only hire identical twins to work there.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?