Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
My inner self is in Photoshop
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.