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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.