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I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.