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BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
The fox says you need to stop.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.