Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
drink beer ?? save water
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.