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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.