Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?