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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...