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You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.