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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Never trust a skinny chef
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.