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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.