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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.