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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?