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My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.