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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.