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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.