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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.