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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.