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I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
Walmart needs observation decks.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside