Daily Silly Status

There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.

If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it

When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer

I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"

You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.

llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike

Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”

The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014

How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!

Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.

FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.

I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.

The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.