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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
This century is already 15% over.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.