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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"