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I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.