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A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.