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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.