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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...