Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.