Daily Silly Status

Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this

Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.

Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"

Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza

Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.

When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.

keep scrolling… it gets better lol

I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus

Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."

Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.

Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...

Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".

Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”

Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.

I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!