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Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.