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I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?