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My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?