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I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Serving size ?? LMAO
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.