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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode