Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
Reincarnation is my only hope.