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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.