Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(