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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.