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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.