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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.