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I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
I know u r but what am I ?
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.