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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!