Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
I just broke my record for most days lived.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.