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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner