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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.