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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.