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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.