Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.